


Down The Rabbit Hole Of My Mind

by WriterOnlyAfterMidnight



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dubious Consent, Genius Tony Stark, M/M, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Split Identity, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, he isn't evil, just a bit too righteous for everyones good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:55:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterOnlyAfterMidnight/pseuds/WriterOnlyAfterMidnight
Summary: Surely, Tony could manage to keep his Relationship with Barnes casual and uncomplicated.Yes, Barnes killed his parents, but he was brainwashed at the time. No reason to be dramatic. Also nobody was forcing him to hang out with the man, surely they could just avoid each other.But things were doomed to go south, because...well because there was just something wrong in Tonys head. And there was definitely something wrong in Buck Barnes head, too...
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 106





	Down The Rabbit Hole Of My Mind

There he was, the Winter Soldier.  
A broken figure with hanging shoulders, sitting on an uncomfortable bench in a white, padded room, sporting the saddest hospital robe. Tony couldn’t stop starring at him through the one way glass, while Steve was talking behind Tonys back, laying out the whole sob story. Prisoner of war, brainwashed, confused and not himself, bla bla bla, how convenient for the man who murdered Tonys parents.  
Just as he could not stop starring, Tony could not stop the anger. It was boiling deep inside of him, red and dangerous, cooking up all kinds of nasty thoughts. But he pushed them down and locked it up, because Steve was right.  
Steve was always right.  
Barnes had no control over what had happened. Besides, if Tony really didn’t want him here, then he shouldn’t have gotten the Rogues their pardons. But he did.  
So Tony did his best to deal with it himself. Avoided situations that may trigger him, ignored Barnes presence at movie night and meditating so much it put Bruce to shame (or at least he stubbornly tried to before loosing patience within first few minutes. But he kept going at it and that what really counted, right?).  
It could have worked.  
It could have been uncomplicated.  
But it was him and it was Steve and then it was a metal arm with shitty Nazi-engineering. Therefore one afternoon not that long after Steve had first found his brainwashed best friend, Captain America himself dragged said friend into Tony’s Lab, with the fire of righteousness in his eyes.  
Tony groaned internally and lowers his screwdriver before putting on his most outrageous smile.

„Rogers! What can I do for you, oh Captain, my captain?“

Steve frowned.

„Buckys arm hurts.“

Tony was proud to report that his smile did not waver in the slightest.

„That so?“

„Yes, Tony, That is so! And you should take a look at it, given that you are the one responsible for technology in this team!“

Rogers wasn’t playing around here. Tony took a brief look at a Barnes. The man had exchanged his hospital robe for a jeans-henley combination which might have looked good, if that beast of a man wouldn’t have cowered behind Steve’s wide shoulders like a god damn child.  
But he was indeed holding the left arm pressed close to his body, the metal exposed thanks to someone taking a pair of scissors to the henley.  
Admittedly, Tony was a bit curious. Ok, maybe more than a bit, but he also knew that every minute spend with Barnes could spell disaster so he would not give in that easily to Steves demands.

„Well as this teams expert on technology, I do have some concerns about doing integral work on unknown technology that is hooked up to an unstable super soldier while you are gaping over my shoulder, ready to snap my neck when said unstable super soldier so much as flinches. Why the hell would I think that through for even a second?”

“Tony!”,Steve shouted and turned to Barnes with an apologetic smile.

“He doesn’t mean it. Tony here just tends to be a bit dramatic!”, he turned back to Tony and his face turned stern, “Right, Tony?”

“It’s ok.” Barnes voice was quite, yet it made Tony jump, “ It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

Tony pressed his lips together. Barnes wouldn’t get a drop of pity out of him. Not that it mattered, Steve provided a whole ocean.  
Steve turned to Tony with his kicked-puppy-dog-look. Tony hated it that look, but also knew, from experience, that the next step on the patented Steve-Rogers-ladder-of-escalations some sort of angry head-through-the wall-maneuver was and who had the energy to deal with that kind of shit? Plus…cool metal arm. So he caved.

„Alright, alright, no need to groan and moan about it, sit down Barnes, there is only room for one drama queen in this lab!“

He gestured at a metal stool opposite of him. Steve grinned, wide and proud he got his way and pushed Barnes foreword.

“Don’t worry Bucky! It will feel better soon, Tony might be a bit...eccentric at times, but he is part of the Avengers for a reason! And I will be here at your side at all times! Nothing bad will happen to you.”

There were a lot of things Tony had to say about that comment but instead of saying them, he concentrated on picking and laying out the tools he would probably need.

„Put your arm down here. Yes, like that. Friday, one good scan for Daddy please. Steve, you stay there where you are, no running around my back! And stay in position, in case I hit a nerve or something…”

The lab came to live, electric buzzing and beeping started up and blue lights began to shimmer around them. Dumm-E and U rolled towards them, U with more tools, Dumm-E with something that looked suspiciously like a first aid kit.  
Barnes looked around like a rabbit in the shadow of a hawk. Even Rogers seemed nervous but Tony could feel himself being swept away, completely emerging back into his tinkering mind set, when Jarvis let the scan of the arm pop up in front of them.

“Oh, uh… the Scan seems to be quicker than before, did you work on it some more?”  
Steve had tried to start small talk but Tony shut him down with a few noncommittal noice. His mind was already else where.

The scan had turned out surprising well, considering the dense material of the arm. With a few moves of his fingertips he had dismantled the hologram scan and taken it apart. The design was surprisingly simple but extraordinary brutal. No wonder it was causing Barnes pain, Tony would bet his non existent firstborn that the arm hurt by design, given that it was literally just fucking molded to the nerves in Barnes shoulder and that there also seemed to be no protection for the pads and wires modeled into artificial nerves, leaving them exposed to rub against the inside of the arm as soon as anything loosened even a little. He couldn’t help but shake his head at such a lack of elegance and efficiency.  
What was causing the arm act up more than usual was not a big mystery. The inner workings of the arm seemed to be dented, worn and barley maintained. It was a miracle it was working at all.

“How is it, Terminator? Range of movements still intact?”

“Arm is fully functional.”

It came out steady and monotone and made Steve wince. Tony was to busy doubting that answer, but he would let it go for now.

“Does movement influence the pain? No, scratch that, which movement influences the pain and how?”

“Neutral position results in the least amount of negative stimulus. Deviation from the neutral position increases negative stimulus.”

Barnes was sitting up straight by now. His eyes fixed on a point far far away.

“Tony, I don’t think…”

“ I need that information to work Rogers. If you can’t deal, step out.”

Without waiting for a response he turned back to Barnes:

“I’m gonna open up the arm now. I might be able to clamp off the connection between the sensory pads in the arm and your nerves, that should make the process a lot easier for me and a lot less painful for you. Understood?“

„Positive.“

„ Alright then. Ready?”  
Barnes took a long breath in and out before giving Tony a sharp, decisive nod. Tony took it as a go ahead.  
Carefully he maneuvered the clamp into place, but the second that, he let go of it, Barnes face went white. Tony immediately took the clamp of.

“Ok, maybe not.”

“Why? What the hell happened Tony?”

“Well, sadly Hydras best and brightest forgot to build an off switch in here and for some reason shutting down the connection only resulted in much more pain, correct, Robo Cop?”

“P-positive.”

“What does that mean? Can you still fix it Tony?”

Steve’s kicked-puppy-dog-face came back into action.

“It’s not so much a matter of fixing it as it is a few bumps and bad maintenance giving their last touch to an already bad design. I might be able to lessen the pain, but I can’t turn it off completely. Plus the whole procedure has just become a lot more finicky. Long term the best solution, as far as I am concerned, is a completely new arm. Dumm-E, put that down and bring me the insolation gel.”

Tony turned to Barnes. He was already on Plan B.

“Oki-doki, here we go. What I will do is clean and replace as much as possible. I will also try to coat what are basically your artificial nerves in this gel. It will harden just enough to stay in place but still be bouncy enough to give it a nice little cushion so that there is less friction. Tell me, when something feels wrong or god forbid the pain gets worst. Understood?”

“Understood.”

Tony took a tiny brush and dipped it into the gel, before leaning over the arm, coating the Nerv that the first open panel had revealed. He looked up to Barnes.

“How does that feel?”

“It...it itches a bit.”

So Tony continued, applying the Gel in tiny strokes, scratching dirt and old oil out of the nooks and crannies, replacing parts that where too damaged to function properly and oiling the joints and gears.  
When he closed the last panel he had no idea how much time had past but it had been long enough for Steve to pull himself a chair and Tony’s neck and shoulders to acquire a throbbing ache.

“All right, here you Go. That’s all I can do for now.”

Steve perked up.

“How does it feel Bucky?”

Barnes frowned and carefully moved his arm.

“I - good...a lot better. A bit numb.”

“That’s the gel.”, Tony supplied while starting to clean and put away his tools.

“That...that’s wonderful! Thank you Tony. We can come to you again if it acts up again, right?”

Tony shrugged. As if Captain America would let him deny him.

“Sure. I look into options for a new arm too.”

“Oh Tony, that’s...thank you! That really means a lot, right Buck?“

Steve gave Tony that look of you-are-not-so-bad-after-all and it brought Tony back into the situation like a slap to the face. He tried to cling on to the snippets and bids about a new arm design, that were already floating through his mind  
Barnes was still starring at his arm while slowly moving it around too absorbed into his newfound lack of pain to respond with more then some vague, agreeing noises and Tony was thankful for it. He didn’t want to make friendly chit-chat with Barnes.

„Alright, enough niceties. I have to get back to work, you know, for my second full time job at my own Company…“

„Really? You have been working for hours, maybe you should...“

„Are you calling me old Rogers? Get the hell out of here!“

Steve smiled like someone dealing with an unruly child.

„Aright, Tony. Don’t overwork yourself.“

And with that Steve disappeared, Barnes in tow.  
Alright, new arm. If Tony really wanted to build one, he would need some outside help, preferably Helen Cho. She knew her way around body modifications and could help find a better way to fuse the arm to Barnes body. As for the rest, Tony was actually thinking about keeping some of the pretty unusual original structure and mixing it up with modern prosthetic technology instead of trying to force-  
Without meaning to, Tony looked down on the tool he was cleaning. Rusty red dirt was clinging to it. Suddenly he had to think of blood. His fathers blood had clung to that arm he had just cleaned. The fingers he got to move smoothly again had closed around his mothers neck. Some no-name Hydra Tech Guy would have probably cleaned it then, too. Or did Barnes do it himself? Just wiping it of with the snow, so it wouldn’t get in the way, when he staged a normal drunk driver accident?  
Tony dropped the tool. All thoughts of schemes and layouts for new arm design were wiped out of his brain by a wave of nausea.

“U clean this up please, Friday load the stark phone concepts on the pad in my suit, I’m gonna work upstairs.”  
„Already uploaded, boss.“

Tony opted to ignore the concern in her voice.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, here goes my first fanfic! I'd love to know your thoughts! English is not my first language thou, so please be nice :)


End file.
